As COVID-19 cases surge once again, like many others, I find myself worrying about what will happen to me or the people I love should we contract the coronavirus. And as a fat person, I wonder, too, about the quality of care that will be made available to fat people by providers who are valiantly working their hardest, but may not have confronted the biases many have been taught surrounding the treatment of fat patients. And like countless fat patients before me, this question isn’t an academic one. It has shown up time and time again in my own search for health care. Whether I am seeking a routine checkup or treatment of acute symptoms, one thing has been made clear to me time and time again: The size of my body will heavily influence the quality of health care I receive.
Years ago, I was visiting family in California when my hearing cut out. It was disorienting and alarming, losing one of my senses so abruptly. The world sounded muffled, like it was tucked away behind a closed door, distant and unreachable. A sharp pain somewhere between my ear and my skull served as a piercing reminder of the loss of my hearing. Alarmed and sympathetic, my mother drove me to the nearest urgent care that takes my insurance.
The nurse who greeted me was kind and warm. We talked freely as she took my vital signs, though our conversation was complicated by my failing hearing. She took my blood pressure, then looked at the cuff with a crooked frown. She took my blood pressure again, then made the same face. She excused herself to get another cuff—larger, this time.
I felt my heart beating in my throat. What if something’s wrong?
“What’s the matter?” I asked, trying to temper the frightened shake of my voice.
“I’m just not getting a good read,” she said, adjusting the cuff once again.
“Is everything okay?” I asked, more afraid than before.
“It’s coming back great,” she said, the good news belied by her befuddled tone. “But that can’t be right. Obese patients don’t have good blood pressure.”
She had learned that being fat meant being sick, and invariably, that sickness would lead to death. Just looking at me, she became certain that I must be in poor health. And her certainty was so great that it overrode the data in front of her. My sickness was inevitable, so good health was unfathomable.